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Tantrums or meltdowns

My son never really had tantrums at home, just at school. So at first I didn't believe his school. He is my youngest of 5 kids, 8 years younger than his oldest brother. He would throw tantrums that were so bad that other students were scared and they would have to clear the room. 

They would call me and if they couldn't reach me, they would pull his brother out of class to go get a handle on the situation. The school thought he had ADHD and wanted me to get it checked out. After taking him to a therapist, a few times, he was diagnosed with ODD. I had never heard of it before. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He had issues with any authority figure. I've always been able to calm him down, so I finally got the school to take my advice & any time he gets upset or angry, he walks out of class up to the office where they let him call me. That way I can calm him down & talk to him reasonably. 

While having a meltdown, my 4 and half year old son would kick, hit, or bite me or his sister. He often would seclude himself after doing so. My approach was that when he started to exhibit these signs, I would tell his sister to leave him alone and I would ask him to separate himself from us to prevent him getting violent. It did help because he now realizes that it's not ok to be violent and he now knows that when he starts feeling this way he can just separate himself for a while until he is calm again. Usually, he goes to his room and finds something to take his mind off whatever is bothering him, and once calm he will come and talk with me about it to fix the problem. 

Our four year old daughter often melts down when she doesn't feel heard or understood. She also melts down when she doesn't get her way or gets in trouble. There are several ways we try to manage her behavior. For one, we often tell her what to expect ahead of time. She behaves better when her expectations are managed and reasonable. We also have her do breathing exercises to regulate her emotions. If she's choosing to stay in a tantrum, we often remind her of a privilege she could lose if she continues to choose to melt down.

My child has Autism, so tantrums and meltdowns were common by 4 years old. We had to work with him a lot. He didn't really talk much at all then. He also didn't really understand how to show feelings towards certain things. We put him in speech therapy and other therapy to help. We also took him to see a neurologist. He's now a teenager - almost 18 now - and doing pretty well, I think. He is on Concerta to help him focus in school, but all in all he has come a long way and he is doing great.

There were times I had a hard time dealing with my 1.5 year old's tantrums and meltdowns. He was crying and crying and wouldn't stop crying. In my frustration, I cried too. I learned how to deal with it by letting him cry, and after few minutes, I tried to talk to him in a soft voice, and I held him. I don't believe I will spoil my son if I shower him with love and affection and attention. He's still young to understand his feelings. 

I usually ask what I can do to help. I will let my four year old girl know that we all have rough days and that it is okay to be mad, upset or sad but it is not okay to throw things, hit or kick. I try to help her find alternatives to the negative behavior/tantrums such as coloring, singing , squish balls, running it out for second, or talking if she would like. 

My approach to tantrums and meltdowns has been varied. I have tried rewards-based systems, ignoring the behavior, therapy, so many things. Slowly it's evening out, but honestly I think this is just what happens when a female child with a history of trauma goes through puberty. It's a part of life and it will get better.

When my three year old has a tantrum or meltdown, I leave him alone to go through his emotions. Then, once he calms down, I ask him what is wrong. Sometimes, he will tell me what upset him or he will ask for a hug. Giving hugs is an important thing for us because it helps him feel safe and calm.

What has been working for me is to ignore the tantrum until it deescalates a bit and then talk her through the rest of it the best I can. Explaining things to a child that young (around 1) is quite difficult, but it has been working and there are fewer tantrums.

We both take a moment to calm down via deep breaths and sometimes silly faces. Once I have my child calm and/or laughing, we talk about what got them so upset and why they feel so upset.

My boy hits his head on the ground during tantrums. It upsets me, and I tried to spank him or ignore it. I have learned to stop him from hurting himself but still tell him no.

I typically deal with this situation by putting him in a room by himself until he eventually quits. I had to start walking away from him because I would just give in to him.

I let our 3 year old scream a few minutes as long as she is not hurting herself or anyone else. I tell her that once she settles down and stops screaming I will talk to her.

I communicate that I understand but we have to have better control over our emotions. I wouldn't give any more attention after saying that, and empathizing.

At first, I was extremely annoyed by tantrums. Then, I grew to realize it’s normal, and started showing my child different ways to express their feelings.

I try and have my son understand why I have said "no" or that we can’t do something. If that doesn’t work, we take a break and count to ten. 

One approach is giving our 6 year old a healthy snack to get her mind off whatever causing her tantrum. Also, we take her for a walk to get outside.

We use soothies (chewable jewelry) with our 2 year old. We tried counting down. We tried breathing exercises. We tried time outs. We tried going outside.

We ask our 9 year old boy to take some time to himself to collect his thoughts and then come talk to us when he’s calmed down enough to do so.

We put our girl in in her room until she is finished, and then talk to her about the situation once she is calm. We started this at age 6?

Our son was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. He's been in ABA Therapy and Speech Therapy since then. It's really helped a lot.

I try to redirect my son, and try to let him know that whatever he is feeling or going through is alright, and that he is safe.

I try to stay calm and walk away from my 6 year old. After a couple minutes, I ask if he is feeling better. Most times it works.

With my 2.5 year old, I would get down to her level and lower my voice so she would have to become quieter to hear me.

Outcome	Percent of Children	Total Mentions
Continuously	3%	14 mentions
Hourly	0%	0 mentions
Daily	11%	58 mentions
Weekly	19%	94 mentions
Monthly	14%	71 mentions
Annually	8%	42 mentions
A Few / Several Times	12%	61 mentions
Once	6%	29 mentions
Never	27%	137 mentions

Severity	Percent of Children	Total Mentions
Very Severe	8%	86 mentions
Severe	9%	102 mentions
Moderate	19%	200 mentions
Mild	25%	274 mentions
Not at All	39%	419 mentions

Tantrums or meltdowns

Tantrums or meltdowns is a common topic in parents’ descriptions of two conditions: Speech delays and Autism.

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